The Relationship Post

I've been doing a lot of thinking about the nature of relationships lately, specifically of the romantic variety (probably because I don't have one... sigh). In China, I find relationships, and how they're carried out, to be completely puzzling at times, and definitely unlike the dating culture one finds in America.

The Chinese relationship follows a very exact formula that hasn't seen much deviation in some time (although that may be changing). In high school, it's simple and straightforward: one does not date. In Chinese society, high schoolers are not considered old or mature enough to form one-on-one relationships with each other. It's an age of what Americans would call protracted innocence. Girls dress very "cute" and don't really have male friends; their behaviors would be more associated with "'tweens" in America than high school teenagers. Add to that the rigid structure of the Chinese school system, and there's no chance for trying out one's emotional maturity. After all, who has time? Everyone is studying for the 高考 gāo kǎo, the single most important exam in a Chinese student's life. The score on this national exam determines what universities you can be admitted into, and consequently, what kind of job you will end up having. So dating in high school is not only too soon, it's too time-consuming.

Let's move on. You've taken the gaokao, you've gotten into college, what do you do now? Well, you find your soul mate.

Literally, Chinese students go from this environment of total innocence to finding that significant other they will stay with for the rest of their lives. Of course, one can end a relationship here, move on, date other people, etc., but generally speaking, agreeing to date someone is a much bigger step towards marriage in China than it is in America. Maybe this is just a product of 21st century America speaking (that's me), but it seems like a huge weight to carry around, at least on the part of the Chinese girl. Not only are you pressured to find a guy in the first place, you're pressured to find a guy you can live the rest of your life with. On the first try! Oh yes, I should also mention the time limit. Again generally speaking, the expectation is that you will find your significant other during college, at least in modern cities. I only have the faintest inkling of habits in the countryside.

With these expectations, it's no surprise, then, that college campuses are littered with couples strolling to class, hopping a ride on each other's bikes, sharing romantic meals at KFC, and MAKING OUT IN ALL SORTS OF PUBLIC PLACES. To explain:

     1. The bikes - Sharing a bike is very popular in China no matter what your relationship, but couples in particular can be spotted with the girl sitting on the back of the bike gripping her boyfriend while using an umbrella to shade herself from the sun/rain.

     2. KFC - College students in China can be just as poor as college students in America, and to them, dinner out at KFC is the height of romanticism. Not only is KFC incredibly popular, it's also incredibly cheap. 

     3. Making out - Chinese college students are not allowed to enter dorm buildings of the opposite sex. This means that hormone-charged couples really don't have a private place to relieve the pressure of said hormones. So as one bikes along the lanes of campus, especially in the evening as people are heading to their rooms for the night, the doorways are littered with couples in an oblivious embrace, stealing a few not-so-PG moments together before they have to go their separate ways. Actually, I lied. It's not just the doorways. I almost ran into a couple one evening as they stopped and began to make out in the middle of the street. Miles has taken to the habit of telling them to get a room as we bike by. In Chinese.

There is a lot to dissect here about the culture of Chinese young adults, and I think this post is already long enough, so perhaps a Part 2 is in order. Suffice it to say, entering the realm of relationships as one grows up in China is crazy, and it's really fascinating to watch the results play out from a foreigner's point of view.

P.S. Leaving for Xi'an in a few hours! That means I'm seeing the Terra Cotta Warriors!!! Pictures to come.