Because I Haven't Procrastinated Enough Yet...

I am now precisely 203 hours away from leaving the tarmac of Beijing Airport bound for the good ol' US of A. Discounting my brief two weeks in Nebraska this August, and my four days in Seoul a couple weeks ago, I have been in China for approximately 170 days. And in 170 days, I have learned more than I ever thought possible about a culture I was clueless about 18 months ago.  At one point I'll make a cute little list of experiences á la Miles Grimshaw, but until then I'm going to wax eloquent on the single most important thing I think I have learned in my time here, and that is that the Chinese mentality is fundamentally different from that of America, or even much of the rest of the world. Not necessarily better or worse, simply... different.

Let me make something clear. Before coming to China, I understood that there were cultural points that were different around the world. The role of the female, for example, varies widely from region to region. Educational practices, as well, differ depending on what country (or even city) you find yourself in. Courtesy and etiquette obviously fit into this little schematic too. But never did I think the role of the individual would be so completely muted as it is in China.

That's it. That's my big revelation. Chinese society places a higher premium on the pursuit of a "harmonious society," than on the pursuit of individual happiness. I know, I know, this is like China 101. I know that it's one of the first things a student of China learns and it's one of the first things any Chinese person will tell you too. But there's a difference between "knowing" something by reading it in a textbook or hearing it second-hand and actually living it every single day. See, when you learn it through a textbook, you think maybe it's just a generalization, maybe in practice people are actually more individualistic and independent than you think. But... that's where you'd be wrong.


Take Confucianism, for example. According to Confucianism, you are supposed to avoid confrontation and conflict, because causing conflict makes you selfish for disrupting the harmony of society. So even if you are the victim of a wrong, you are not supposed to make a big deal about it, otherwise you will be perceived as the wrong-doer by letting others know about a disruption in the social fabric. This attitude is really evident in law, where people don't actually like taking their problems to court, preferring to settle things quietly through a mediator. In America, people would be banging down the courtroom doors seeking their full measure of justice through the law.

Or how about education? Individuality isn't prized very much there either (albeit for more political reasons). The Chinese system is such that creativity and innovation are not rewarded, they are penalized. Individual work isn't prized; it's a waste of time. You know what that leads to? Rampant cheating throughout the entire school system, from primary school to professional academic works. But see, it's not wrong here. It's just the way it is. Unfortunately, the casualty here is analytical thought. In one class, a fellow Yalie overheard a Chinese student asking our professor to explain how to analyze a reading. In my other classes, the Chinese students are all overwhelmingly silent, even when the professor makes a direct appeal to their knowledge as Chinese citizens. It also leads to a lack of curious thought, which is the problem we Yalies have experienced with our Chinese roommates. Speaking to them is not particularly rewarding. You might be able to infer my irritation over this phenomenon, but that's because as an American, I feel that such a lack of independent, analytical thought is.... well, it's frustrating. But here in China, it's just the way things are done. Lesson learned.

Alright, last example before I get back to Grannie Liu of Hongloumeng, who strangely highlights this last aspect of Chinese harmony by being the embodiment of the exact opposite, and that is the Chinese adherence to ritual politeness even as they counter such politeness with their own actions. I don't know if I've talked about the 爱面子 (ài miànzi) phenomenon before, but literally it means, "loving one's face," which we would understand as "saving" or "preserving face." No matter what, the Chinese must preserve face. Embarrassing situations are to be avoided. Confrontation, unfortunately, is included in said embarrassing situations. Seriously. If there's a problem at a restaurant, you don't talk to the manager, you just accept it and move on. If there is conflict among your friends, you pretend it's not happening. And if your government is doing something you don't agree with, you sure better not say a single word.

Maybe I'm painting with too broad of a brush, or only focusing on the irritating aspects of a "harmonious society," but these are the things that I did not expect to encounter with such full force here in China, and I feel they're important for people back home to know, especially as our two countries interact more and more. We as Americans are very unaware of huge aspects of Chinese culture, and with the way things are going, that's a condition that will have to change. So... here's hoping this post helps shed a little light on the differences I have encountered so far between American and Chinese life.