Leaving

In less than an hour I'll be hopping on a plane to take me to Vancouver and eventually Beijing. It's funny how nonchalant I managed to be these past few weeks about the fact that I'm moving to China for a few years. But now that it's down to the final hour, I admit I'm freaking out a little bit.

You see, since I've been to China a few times now, I know a lot more this time about what I'm getting myself into. Good (or any) customer service, constant central air conditioning, normal toilets, familiar food, and orderly lines are about to become serious luxuries. I'm going to be frustrated by some experience at least once a day. And I'm going to miss so many people who mean the world to me.

So now I'm wondering to myself, why in the world am I leaving? Why leave the country, the culture, and the people that I love so much?


I can give myself what has become my rote explanation: it's good for my Chinese, I need to feel true immersion, this is an opportunity to research, it's free, etc. All of these things are true. But I think my real motivation here is simply that I haven't quite found what I'm looking for out of China yet. I know it's out there, that moment where I go, "OK, I see you China. I see what you're doing there." But I need to go out and find it myself, and this scholarship will hopefully give me the freedom to do that.

It's almost time to board. I don't know how soon I'll be able to blog again. Blogger and Facebook are blocked in China and I'm not sure if I can still use my Yale VPN. Either way, I hope y'all know that I really am excited for this next step in my life, and I'm excited for what it will do for me in the future. Here we go!